First of all, what is “Alarmed Aloneness”?
I don’t need to tell you what anxiety is or feels like! If you have struggled with this a little or a lot, it’s an awful feeling.
There can actually be 2 different root causes of your anxiety–FEAR or Alarmed Aloneness. What is the difference and how do you tell?
When you have a stress reaction big enough because you are feeling threatened in some way, your brilliant nervous system and body will mount a self-protection response.
Flight=Get the heck out of here! Get away from the threat!
Fight=Get that threat out of your boundary! Claw, kick, punch, yell or kill if you have to.
Fawn/Appease=I feel I am in danger, but maybe if I try to act nice and please the threat, I won’t get hurt.
Alarmed Aloneness=My safe loved ones just went away! I feel abandoned, alone, rejected, or ostracized by shame. I feel afraid to be left here alone and have a terrible sense of loss.
Freeze=Darn, fight, flight, fawn and Alarmed Aloneness didn’t work. This is just too dangerous, overwhelming and scary. I need to go numb and not feel. It will hurt less. I will play dead.
So, Alarmed Aloneness is a high state of survival energy in your body, nervous system and energy field that is not fight or flight. It happens when you lose loved ones or lose your belonging.
It can be a big feeling or a little quiet hidden one you didn’t even know was guiding your energy, actions and reactions.
It closes you off inside and keeps you afraid and isolated.
Here are some other examples of what might set this cascade of emotion and stressed biochemistry off inside of you:
➡️ Your mom died, or you were taken away from her at your birth.
➡️ As a teenager you were bullied and ostracized from the group.
➡️ Your romantic relationship ended or you divorced.
➡️ You got lost in the woods or the mall and no one came to find you for hours or days.
➡️ You had to be left in the hospital by yourself without your parents when you were very young. Maybe you were adopted and lost your original parents.
There are so many events that can trigger Alarmed Aloneness inside.
AA runs, neurobiologically speaking, on your GRIEF/PANIC circuit and floods cortisol (a stress hormone) through your system while your cuddle and CARE hormone–oxytocin–drops. Connection and comfort go away, and stress rises rapidly.
When there is no one there to give you the hug you need, or the hand on your shoulder, you are left trying to hold things on your own. You are left with one form of the charge of anxiety in your body.
What we call anxiety can also happen on your neurobiological FEAR circuit. This neurobiological circuit runs on benzodiazepenes rather than cortisol.
Tracking hormones and neurotransmitters is how the scientists who studied your 8 circuits of emotion and motivation can tell if anxiety is induced by the FEAR or GRIEF/PANIC circuit (Alarmed Aloneness). They are different.
I can help you figure out which root cause to go after using a simple energy technique. Right away, this gets you on the right track to resolution.
When we work together, I help you spot where Alarmed Aloneness is hiding in plain sight, name it, acknowledge it, and give it the care and empathy you need or needed back when overwhelming things happened.
The result is, you can finally relax, feel the soothing comfort wash through you, and your anxiety alarm bell can stop going off.
Alarmed Aloneness can also be passed down as a field of undischarged trauma from people in your family system who:
➡️ Got shamed, excluded, ostracized, forgotten, left out, or lost their belonging.
➡️ Had to tolerate trauma, neglect or loss with no empathy or accompaniment.
So some or all of the anxiety you carry in your body, may not be yours. Then it’s almost impossible to shake it with medication or therapy. We have to go after an even deeper root cause to resolve it completely.
We can do the detective work on this together using the Family Constellations process to look into your family energy field.
Almost every family system has Alarmed Aloneness being held as bound trauma energy in the system, because there really wasn’t very effective trauma work available to our parents or especially grandparents and those before them.
Does this sound familiar to you? Does this resonate somewhere inside? Do you suffer with anxiety that just won't seem to resolve?
I find when I teach folks about Alarmed Aloneness some big light bulbs go on for them. It is information they never had about something they have been holding in their body.
Even just naming it and connecting it with what you feel inside begins to move the energy.
One step further, we can bring the accompaniment and CARE in that your Alarmed Aloneness needs to finally relax, release, and heal.
I can help you to get to the bottom of your anxiety, whether it is living in your own nervous system and unaddressed grief and trauma, or your family energy field.
We can work together in 1:1 healing, or group healing.
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